As I mentioned earlier in Part one of Biggest Dating/ Relationship Mistakes, the first week or two will be amazing and the girl will seem almost perfect but this is before her pain body comes out to play.
People are very good at hiding their imperfections and faults that would make you second guess your choice to be with that person. No matter how good of an actress or how well hidden her dark secrets are, the undesirable and deal breaking behaviors will rise to the surface.
When the pain body does come out you may find yourself in a situation where you think it might be time to move on. VERY OFTEN, men make the mistake of not moving on for several reasons:
1. They still hold onto the perfect girl image.
It is very painful and frustrating to the ego to find out that the person you are with is not as good as you once thought. From this, the mind will make rationalizations for her unwanted behavior because it can’t or won’t face the possibility that she might not be right for you.
2. The fear of becoming lonely and single again is too much to bear
This is a neediness issue. You need someone to make you feel happy or fill that gap inside of yourself. At the core of this is a fear of dying alone and being miserable.
The irony is that if you can’t be happy alone you won’t be happy with someone else.
3. You have already invested so much time in her that you feel like you don’t have the energy to do it again with a new girl
You feel as though you have wasted all those hours teaching her what you know only to end up with nothing in the end.
Time is never wasted on an incompatible partner because you learn and grow from this experience. Every “bad” relationship will get you one step closer to one that works.
4. Trying to save her
This is a big issue for men, especially the “nice” ones. Knowledge by reading this site will help you with your relationship but YOU CAN’T HELP SOMEONE THAT DOESN’T WANT HELP.
It’s a sad fact but many people are comfortable with their pain and miserable lives. They don’t want help from you. Your help will actually make the relationship worse off than it already is.
Men often go into sympathy with women who have issues. They want be superman and rescue their Louis Lane from the perils of pain.
My take on helping others is this: I will help anyone that truly wants to change. I don’t care how deep or difficult their issues are as long as they try.
I am not a martyr trying to save the world. I won’t help anyone who doesn’t want to try to change themselves.
Trying to save someone who isn’t willing to help themselves is like trying to move a pen with your mind. Hours, days and months of frustration with the pen not moving one inch.
All of your efforts will go to waste and leave two people worse off than they were when they first met.
5. Avoid getting down on themselves for picking the wrong girl
6. Trying to make up for past mistakes
Guilt and shame get associated with painful mistakes. It’s a human tendency to “punish” ourselves in an attempt to not make the same mistakes twice.
When a similar opportunity arises we often try to make up for our past. We believe by doing the “right” thing this time around we will somehow be able to let go of some of this guilt and shame from our mistakes.
This is done often through new relationships that aren’t healthy. We try to prove that we can do and are a lot wiser.
The irony is that they are making the same mistake by holding onto the wrong girl.
6. Not wanting to hurt the woman’s feelings
Face it, break ups hurt but dragging a bad relationship out will hurt much worse.
Bad relationships come down to incompatibility between two people. Its best for both people involved to not try and force a relationship that clearly doesn’t work and allow themselves the freedom to search for one that does.
“I’m not for everyone” and wouldn’t want to waste someone else’s time on a fruitless excursion.
What most men don’t realize is that facing the possibility that they are holding onto to the wrong girl and being honest with themselves is far greater than being in an unhealthy relationship.
It is quite time consuming and painful to try and float a sinking ship that will inevitably hit the bottom of the ocean.
The path to relationship mastery will be met with many mistakes. It took Edison 10,000 tries before he figured out the correct way to make a light bulb. When asked about it, he said I learned 9,999 ways NOT to make a light bulb.
Holding onto a girl that isn’t right for you is like holding onto one of the mistakes on your road to learning relationship mastery. Mistakes happen and the perfect girl for you will come when you least expect it but she won’t be able to come into your life if you are busy wasting time stuck in a bad relationship.
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Check back for Biggest Relationship Mistakes Part Three
*EDIT* There is a very nice conversation going on in the comments that is worth checking out.